Would I Survive This Horror Movie?

Kate Rotunda

Jan 206 min read

It’s always fun to imagine yourself, as you are, being plopped down in the universe of your favorite movie, picturing how you would react to the plot unfolding around you. Would you make the same choices as the characters? Or do you think you would go about things in a different way? In my case my favorite movies are horror, so my question is always “would I be able to survive this?” I have compiled a list of some of my favorite horror films and answered the question of whether or not I would make it to the end of the film alive.

A black and white image of two people. On the left a man with white hair is holding both of his hands up. His mouth is open baring his teeth. To the right a woman screams in fear, she is holding a lit candle in her left hand.

House On Haunted Hill (1959): SURVIVED

A rather simple survival instinct of mine is I trust no man. Ever. In reality I would not respond to an invitation for a sleepover at a random person’s house just because they say they’ll give me money, no one just gives you money. However, if for some reason they caught me at a bad time and I agreed to attend the sleepover, they would still not be able to get to me. I would be so on edge around these strangers that I would stay in one spot the whole night watching everyone, nothing would get by me. I also personally don’t believe in ghosts or the supernatural so I would just assume that any weird thing I saw was some sort of trick meant to scare me. As a friend once said to me after a rough night out, “Kate is so good at noticing things because she’s so nervous about everything all the time.”

Two people on a street in a run down city. On the left further from the camera is a man running. The man is wearing a trench coat and is on fire, flames surround him. In the center is a man also sprinting. He is wearing blue scrubs and carrying a plastic bag.

Any Zombie Movie (Literally any of them): DEAD

As soon as the news said “Hey guys there are zombies now,” I’d simply end my own life. That is absolutely terrifying. Maybe I would wait a week or two holed up in the house to see if a cure emerged, but not much longer. If it’s the zombies that sprint at you full speed, then it would be lights out right away. I cannot physically live with that kind of fear. When playing hide and seek as a child, if I thought the seeker was getting close to me I would just reveal myself to them because the suspense made me too anxious. This does not bode well for my ability to hide from literal zombies. Also as much as I hate to admit it, I am a materialistic girl with a short attention span. I am not made for the inevitable wild west post apocalyptic world that comes with every zombie movie.

A girl is asleep in bed in a dark room. Above the bed is the outline of a figure pressing through the ceiling.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984): DEAD

You guys, I am so sleepy. All the time. I need so much sleep, I would not be able to avoid it. Also I’m really into dreams, I keep a dream journal and my best friend and I talk about each other's dreams almost every day. So not only would I not be able to stay awake, if I had an intense vivid dream where I remembered the monster’s full government name I would fixate on it. As we all know the more you think about Freddy the more powerful he becomes. I would also probably text the dream in detail to my friend resulting in her getting murdered too (sorry).

A baby blue victorian style house pictured on a sunny day.

House (1985) *The American movie directed by Steve Miner*: SURVIVED

The house in the movie House is absolutely beautiful. This is a huge baby blue Victorian home with what looks like original hardwood and stained glass windows. This is my dream home. No amount of ghosts could get me to leave this house. I simply would not be able to be driven insane if it meant I could live there. I would need to make a deal with the devil to ever afford this house in real life anyway so I could deal with some mischievous spirits. I mean look at it!

A man with paper white skin and needles imbedded all throughout his face stands with his arms holding out an orange box. The box has a glowing light coming from the top of it.

Hellraiser (1987): SURVIVED

Hellraiser would be another easy survival for me because I just would not try to solve that puzzle box. I do not like puzzles at all. They do not calm me and they do not interest me. I have no patience for them. If for some reason I was bored enough to pick up the puzzle box, I bet I would almost immediately get frustrated with it and put it down. I have no issues leaving a puzzle unsolved. The box would just become some cool looking decor I’d eventually forget about and the Cenobites would never get their hooks into me.

A close up of a man with only his head and shoulders visible. The man has his eyes closed and his mouth open. There are bees coming out of the man's mouth and crawling over his face.

Candyman (1992): DEAD

Clearly I like researching spooky stuff and analyzing it. Much like Helen in this film, I would eventually stumble upon the Candyman legend and become instantly fascinated. Here is where my disbelief in the supernatural would be a disadvantage to my survival. In the universe of this movie the supernatural exists, and if you say Candyman in the mirror 5 times he will come for you and he will kill you. Because I wouldn’t believe the legend, I would absolutely say Candyman five times in the mirror. In fact I’ve already done that in this reality, several times. If I were in this movie, I would have been found dead years ago in the bathroom of a slumber party surrounded by some pretty traumatized eleven year olds.

Five people seated in two rows on a plane. Three people in the row in front have their heads turned to look behind them. A young man is standing behind them with a worried look on his face and his mouth open. Next to the standing man is another seated man who has his mouth open as if he is speaking.

Final Destination (The whole franchise): DEAD

As previously stated, I am an extremely anxious person. Pretty much any time I get on a plane, ride a roller coaster, get in a car, attend an event, or even wake up in the morning, I fear the worst. I complete everyday activities with the feeling of impending doom hanging over me all the time. If I got a vision that a horrible crash was going to happen, I’d write it off as any other day, no need to share my horrible brain thoughts with everyone else. We’d all end up dying in a mass tragedy as originally intended. No individualized and elaborate death scenes for us.

Two women lying in a cave. The woman on the left is looking off to her right and holding on to the woman lying in front of her. The woman to the right wears a blue hiking helmet with a flashlight on it. Both women are covered in dirt.

The Descent (2005): SURVIVED

I know it's a cop out to say “I just wouldn't be in this situation,” but in this case I just can’t help it. Forget the literal monsters in this movie, the cave is the real horror. You could not pay me to go spelunking. That is insane. I’ve read too many stories of cave collapses and people getting stuck forever. You are a psychopath if you willingly choose to enter a cave where you have to crawl through tiny passages and pitch black tunnels that require you to be underwater, unaware of where you will resurface. If a cave does not have handrails and a corny tour guide, I’m not going in there.

A woman in a bedroom is pushing a dresser in front of a doorway. An arm is coming through the doorway on the left, clawing at the side of the dresser. To the right a red haired woman has her body pushed against the dresser and a look of fear on her face.

The Cabin in the Woods (2011): DEAD

There is no way to survive this movie, that's the whole point. If I were chosen for the sacrifice, then I either die alone in the middle of the woods or die taking the whole world down with me. The inevitable end of it all will always be death. The only choice you have is to die quickly or survive just long enough to know you’ve caused the destruction of the world and the downfall of humanity. I’d prefer to burn it all down with me.

A close up of a man's head and shoulders. The man is standing in a lush green forest. The man is holding a finger to his mouth as if to shush someone.

A Quiet Place (2018): DEAD

I sneeze so much. Like a lot. At random times. I am allergic to dust so there is no predicting when it will affect me. There would be no allergy meds left and even if there were, I would have already sneezed a bunch before knowing I had to take one. An alien would snatch me before I could even reach for a tissue.

A group of teenagers are sitting in a living room. The teens are holding out phones with lights coming out of them, filming a girl who is sitting in an armchair away from the group. In front of the armchair is a coffee tablee with a lit candle and a statue of a white hand on it.

Talk To Me (2022): SURVIVED

I hate being the center of attention. I would not volunteer to grab the hand if it meant everyone was paying attention to me. There is no world where I agree to go up in front of a high school party and have a bunch of people film and laugh at me. No amount of goading, curiosity, or peer pressure could convince me to willingly have a whole room of people stare at me.

A man stands in front of a cork board with photos of people and newspaper clippings tacked onto it. The man is facing away from the camera and only his silhouette is visible. The man is holding and axe over his shoulders. He is wearing a pilgrim hat and black gloves.

Thanksgiving (2023): SURVIVED

This killer is specifically targeting people who were present at a Black Friday sale gone wrong. I get stressed at stores on a normal day. There are just too many options. I never know what I want, I can never find anything, and the lighting makes me nauseous. Not to mention all the people. Because of this you would not catch me waiting in a huge crowd to shop on Black Friday (also Black Friday is basically all online at this point so that’s a bit of a plot hole). If for some reason I wanted something enough to get out of my house and wait outside a store in the cold of November (no chance), as soon as people started pushing and yelling, I would leave. No sale matters enough to be part of a literal mob.

Would I Survive This Horror Movie?

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